The toys that we had...

Ok, Dave and I were chatting and the subject of old toys from our youth came up. So it got me thinking and I decided to start putting together a list of all the cool shit we had as kids. Now there is the obvious ones...Star Wars, Transformers, Voltron, GI Joe, but there was also a group of toys that were short lived but helped shape many kids into contributing members of society. I would like to pay homage to those now and I know I will be missing tons of stuff so please comment!

#1- Battle Beasts
Okay these things were short lived but they were a blast to collect. Earth Water Fire....either they were developed by a 70's band or a group of Wica's. I guess the gimmick was you pick your figure out of your collection, let's say Pirate Lion, and your buddy picks his best which happens to be Horny Toad and then you both rub their sticker and display their element. Kind of like rock paper scissors but you already know what each has. Thinking about it how the hell did that work? If Johnny takes out his fire guy wouldn't you just get out your water guy? What beats water? Earth? It shows a picture of a log so are we to assume that by the log floating on water it has conquered it? Okay, I now see why they were short lived.





#2 - Visionaries

Okay, these were just flat out sweet. Knights with scary holograms on them. I guess there was a cartoon but I can't remember it. In case you forgot here is a Wikipedia description on them...
Set on the planet Prysmos, located in another dimension, the Visionaries consist of two groups of knights — the Spectral Knights and the Darkling Lords, both of whom have their magical powers gifted from Merklynn after successfully completing a quest to reach Merklynn's shrine on Iron Mountain. Each character had a different animal totem power that reflected their personality by allowing the knight to temporarily transform into that animal. Some knights had power staves with different powers such as destruction and could be activated by reciting a special verse. The knights without staves could infuse vehicles with magical powers, such as the dagger assault vehicle's magical dungeon (Darkling Lords).
I wonder if Merklynn had a brother or cousin named Merlyn. Weird.

Link to Wikipedia




#3- M.A.S.K.

Who didn't have this stuff. If you didn't have any of these or know someone that did, then you must have lived a scarred and terrible childhood. These were the vehicles that seemed normal and turned into ultimate devastation with the push of a button. I was lucky enough to own the Camero that flew around by it's gull wing doors. It had missiles on the edges of the doors which must have made the driver very nervous as he drove it around with the doors shut. I mean, you have a tomahawk missile sitting underneath your seat. One little rock pings off the bottom of your car and boom. I guess he is lucky he didn't live in Michigan otherwise it would have rusted out from the road salt. I also had the RV that turned into a NASA launch center. I guess just in case you were stuck in traffic you could just launch an aircraft and make it to the Styx concert on time and beat those losers..hahaha. Just seeing these pics again gets me all hot and bothered...




































#4- M.U.S.C.L.E. Men

These little guys didn't really do much but you could buy a whole bunch of 'em at once and build a large collection quickly. Their manufacturing costs must have been down since they only used one color for everything on them...mostly flesh tone. I guess that must have been intimidating somehow? Perhaps it was an side effect from the roids? Come on, you know they were doing it...I wonder if they ever made a Jose Conseco figure?

















#5 - A.R.M.Y. Ants

Very very short lived...you may have blinked and missed these guys, but I had a few in my top junk drawer that met their timely demises on several occasions when they launched an assault on G.I. Joe or Voltron. Couldn't do much with them other then make the pew pew noises as they fired off rounds at the evil blue army ants. The orange battalion was led by General Patant while the blues were led into battle by General Mc-Anther. Now that was some creative writing right there...probably writing for all the crappy shows on my picture box every night (TV). The orange team had snipers, bazooka men, aerial assault team, as well as a special forces squad. The blue guys had a mortar team, artillery, flame thrower, and bomber squad. Seems like the blue guys liked to fight from afar while General Patant took it to 'em. Battle is an orgy of disorder.





#6 - Boglins


Well, these were not exactly action figures, but they were cool and momentary. Gruesome little monster puppets with such gnarly names as Drool, Dwork, and Vlobb. They were soooo cool to look at, but that is about it. Awesome box design though and when the eyes moved back and forth...spooky. I especially miss the Ric Flair Boglins...they will always hold a special place in my heart.





#7 - Madballs

You can't mention Boglins without remembering these fine jems. Madballs actually are even more useless then Boglins. They do nothing except roll around on your dresser (because you were trying to display them to all who enter) and make your ears burn red when someone whips it at the side of your head. I hesitated putting these on the list only because I do believe I came across these at Meijers recently. Is every toy from the 80's making a comeback??? Where the hell did all these creators go that we have to resort to bringing this stuff back? What would my childhood been like, though, without the likes of Skull Face, Screamin' Meemie, Slobulus, Hornhead, and Crack Head. I guess they fill the empty, dark hole in your heart that keeps you up at night and screams to be fed ugly baseballs.

#8 - My Pet Monster

Yep...I had one of these babies. It was like the cool stuffed animal to have so when you go stay the night at your friends house and are watching Tales From the Darkside you can hug your evil little troll doll rather than your favorite pound puppy, thus keeping your status as a fearless warrior. The only thing I didn't like about this (and this is going to really sound pansy-ish) was the hard plastic nose on it. Nothing was better then rolling over and getting this rock hard erect nose in the eye...but I can think of worse places to get rock hard erect objects poked in...badump ching...thanks I'll be here all night. Try the fish.







Alright that's all I got for now, but let me know all of the wonderful joys I missed that shaped your childhood (and possibly mine if I stole it from you...sorry Ryno...I just needed to have Tunnel Rat's detachable claw all to myself)